I have found a hidden gem to share. Apparently, my most embarrassing life moments are the ones people like to read about the most (go figure), so I am giving in. (I say this because the most read posts on my blog are My Beef with Headwear, I'm Too Awkward to Network, and Absurd Ways I've (Attempted to) Make Money, which I would consider to be my most embarrassing posts). I stumbled upon my very first blog post ever on accident, which is weird because this has happened before. Let me elaborate. A few months ago, I made a gmail account so I be a part of a google hangout with all of my group mates once when it was snowing. When I created my account, it somehow connected to a Blogger account I had opened in high school. There were not too many posts, but they were all angsty and teenager-ish, so I took them down immediately before anyone might accidentally read them. Crisis averted, or so I thought.

Just this week, I wanted to sign up my old email account to the mailing list to be alerted every time a new blog entry was posted. Sounds narcissistic? It probably is. But the reason I did it was to see how it looks in an email form. Anyways, when I signed up for the list, it already had an account attached to it. YET ANOTHER ANGSTY TEEN BLOG I HAD CREATED BACK IN THE DAY. I'm not sure why I had two very poorly maintained blogs, but I did.

In honor of Throwback Thursday, here is the lone post of my old Wordpress blog in all of its moody glory:

So, I read Spark’s The Last Song last night. Oh. My. God. I bawled like a baby. *SPOILER ALERT* Uhm, heartbreak, but totally saw it coming. Maybe because I have just gotten off a long stint of poetry, I saw it from the first pages about the leaves turning, falling, and then the puffs of life dying. Or something like that. Oh and the title is a dead give away. I mean, really?!! Who else would it be referencing other than that father. Overall, there was only one thing that killed me in this book.

1. The father dying. It practically killed me. I mean, when it was talking about the last time he was ever going to hug his son, and that she realized he would never be there to walk her down the isle at her wedding, who wasn’t crying by this point. And cancer??? Is it even fair to write about it? I mean, who can read about cancer and not cry. Everyone knows how horrible it is, and almost everyone has been directly or indirectly affected by it. Thats a cheap one, Sparks. But lets think about this: Kids- having to watch your parent die prematurely, and parents: think about knowing it was the last time for seeing your child. Maybe thats what did it for me. The last of everything makes me weirded out. Little things, like the last time I will be somewhere, the last time living in my dorm, the last time I am eating at a restaurant, all get to me. I guess finality, the thought of not going back scares me. But in a somewhat ironic twist, so does the thought of forever. Eternity, when I picture it, is a swirl of clouds that never ends. Eternity feels like its going to trap me in a cycle that I will never get out of. Basically, extremes of ends and the never endings are terrifying. But now back to the book.

My one real complaint is how Sparks wrote this for the movie. I haven’t seen the movie (yup, your fault Miley), nor do I know much about it, but I feel like the book was written specifically to be made into a movie. Sparks put subtle hints for making it into a movie. For example, their first kiss was described as quick and “not like an overdone earth shattering kiss common in movies today” or something along those lines. Really!? You are going to try to influence the movie that much. Please, try to make it any more obvious that you want the movie your way. Just write the book for the books sake and not for a movie.

So lets recap: The book made me cry and wonder why on earth I was even reading something this depressing and the thought of going to the movie makes me want to cringe. I could barely read the tragedy, but to see it acted out: Yeah, I don’t know that my heart can handle it. That being said, I can’t say its a bad book in the least. It made me think. And I can’t stop thinking about it. So plus one for you Sparks. You ripped out my heart.