We all know about the Sunday scaries. You know, the dread you get on Sunday (after brunch) that tomorrow is (oh-gawd-make-it-stop-won't-it-go-away-why-can't-it-go-away) Monday. But what about the Facebook Messenger scaries? You know, the anxiety when a non-friend or acquaintance messages you. What could they possibly want? you immediately think.

I’ve been afflicted by the Facebook Messenger scaries several times. Some forgotten soul from my earlier life messages me out of the blue, no forewarning, and I find myself backed into a corner. I now have a notification I have to address – I’m too type A to ignore it – but then, once I open it, they see I’ve read their message (curse you, Zuckerberg) and now I have to respond lest, weeks or months or years later, I run into them, alone, in an elevator that we ride up for ten floors that might possibly get stuck on the ninth, and they look at me, and we all know they want to know why I never answered their Facebook message back in the day.