Last Saturday, I ran into a former crush at a bar. The uncomfortable part was I had been thinking about her 37 minutes prior – according to the time stamp on the innocuous text I sent her from that device you shouldn't use while taking shots. I should have probably taken a shot for texts I’ll regret. And another for every former flame I think of while drunk. And another because no text is actually innocuous that you send non-soberly to an ex-anything.

She seemed happy to see me, her hand on my arm, her face close to mine. And damn it, she still had it: The Keira Knightley eyes, the crinkle in the bridge of her nose, her maroon lipstick. And because I had taken four shots (one of those was because I thought of her, see above), I said, “Oh, I just texted you.” And of course she knows I texted her, but I press: “Did you see?” Really, I’m thinking, Why didn’t you respond?