Today is the Super Bowl. I’m honestly surprised I know that, but I also don’t live under a rock, just under a self-imposed exile from watching The Game. But I will say, I thought “Super Bowl” was one word, but apparently it isn’t. I’m surprised America, in its pork skin passion, hasn’t made that a word yet.

My Twitter feed has been littered for days with tweets about who’s boycotting who because of an ad (who’s the snowflake now?), what Tom Brady hasn’t said, and maps of who is supporting the New England Patriots (hint: it’s only one state).

I feel like the New England Patriots are always at the Super Bowl. Does anyone else feel this way? Like, if the Super Bowl were a movie, it would be starring Tom Brady and costarring…whatever other team is playing.