Speed Networking Woes

By Cazey Williams In my life outside blogging, I happen to be events chair for my local alumni chapter. That job entails planning football viewings, happy hours and promoting friend making.

So my event idea was to coerce people who regularly attend our meetings to meet people different than the ones they already know and/or came with. I originally called it “speed dating,” but then decided we weren't trying to market to lusty singles, so let’s go with “speed networking” – because that’s what we’re doing. Except not in the professional sense; or at least that wasn't the primary goal. When I wrote up the event blurb, I put, “Emphasis on social.”

Okay, in hindsight, every name for the event was doomed. Social networking conjures notions of Facebooking and tweeting. Speed dating…well, this isn’t for hapless Valentines. And speed networking – please, keep your business cards in your pocket.

To keep the event lite (misspelled on purpose), I made a bingo sheet for an ice breaker. Each square had something related to our alma mater. I printed out a list of questions stolen from websites meant for both speed dating and networking.

The first person to arrive for the event was in a tan suit and had silver hair. Me internally: Crap. Like, I’m wearing moccasins. I almost wore shorts. We shake hands.

“This is my first event in several years,” Mr. Businessman says.

“What brought you out?”

“The speed networking. I love networking. I’ve been in sales for 16 years.”

“Well,” I think fast, “we’re expecting a mixed crowd, so it’s gonna be a little social, a little professional (not at all, I’m in moccasins). Hopefully you’ll get something out of it.”

“Can’t wait to find out.”

Oh, I can.

People trickle in. The assortment is mixed only by contrast: Me and my moccasins, 23 and in grad school, and everyone else years older and employed – or formerly employed. Gosh, I invited you here to make friends, not get you a job. One of my worst self-critiques is underperforming, and I would say a list of questions that includes “Star Wars or Star Trek?” is underperforming for this crowd.

Of course, the pizza comes out late (yes, we’re hosting this at a pizza parlor; why were you expecting business networking?!). Some people mingle. Others wait for me to prompt this networking. Me: I only have it to make it through an hour before I can drink away this humiliation.

I narrate how this will work, mention “we were expecting a mixed crowd, so I prepared for social and professional networking (so I won’t ask ‘If you were an animal in the wild, what would you be?’),” and try to explain the bingo ice breaker – but some of the older men just don’t get it. Forget it; it’s an ice breaker. I need a megaphone. I’m sweating. No one can hear me. No one knows which way to rotate. People are repeating the opposite of what I said.

The first person I network with is Mr. Businessman. He says he’s been to many networking events. In fact, he specifies: “I teach group networking.” Great. Judge this failed spectacle.

“Well, I’d love to hear what advice you have,” I say. Should I be biting into this pizza while listening? Is that professional? Well, darn it, I’m hungry. “Like, what prompts I should use.” (Because I was going to ask “Who was your favorite superhero when you were little – and how does that relate to your profession?”)

Once I collected comment cards at the end, I assessed that the event was not as disastrous as I painted it. In fact, my biggest criticism was not starting on time (sorry, we waited until 7:05 PM; I guess there are no stragglers in the business world). However, I would not have worn moccasins.

Tweeting an Instagram Picture

I almost always tweet my Instagram pictures, but now I'm not so sure if I will anymore. I read this article from Mashable that said including pictures in your tweets leads to a retweet, UNLESS its an Instagram picture, which will be far less likely to be retweeted. (Here's the article I'm referencing: http://mashable.com/2013/10/07/retweet-photo/) Womp. Womp. Womp.

I learned that reusing content across platforms is a good way to gain milage on your content, but now I can't even use my Instagram pictures on Twitter, which is a basic standard I have been doing since I began using Instagram? I mean I get that it makes it obvious that I am reusing it, as well as having to open a new platform, but that seems like a pretty big difference to go from much more likely to be retweeted to significantly less likely to be retweeted.

Clearly this perplexes me, and makes me wonder: am I that lazy that I can't just use the internal picture setup in Twitter, and then go Instagram it? But then again, are people that lazy that opening an extra window rather than seeing it directly on Twitter is that much of a hassle?

I tried this morning to tweet a picture and then Instagram it, but it just feels so forced putting it on two places separately. Also, by the time I tweeted it, I already decided it wasn't important enough to need to be in two different networks. So maybe having to break up the instant tweet from Instagram will make me reconsider what content is truly important to share.

Or maybe I'll just continue to be lazy and stop caring if I get a retweet.

My First Time Interviewing Someone

I've been through lots of interviews where people have been asking me questions. From trying to get scholarships for school to getting jobs, I would say I've been interviewed at least 20 times. But I've never interviewed someone else before today. Never before have I been in the drivers seat with someone else's livelihood in my hands. And let me tell you, being the interviewer probably made me more nervous than the person I was interviewing. I wanted to ask good questions that allowed her to explain herself, yet difficult enough questions to reveal something about her.

It's a challenge finding a happy mix of tough and informative. Also, I don't want to be THAT person that you leave the interview room cursing under your breath because they were so tough. I can't tell you what she thought of me when she left, but she did end up getting the job, so apparently I did a good enough job interviewing her for my boss to learn about her and make a judgement call. So far she's been an asset to our projects and I've enjoyed her in the office.

Here is my favorite question I asked, why I asked it, and what I gleaned from it:

Have you encountered a time that you had a creative difference with a client or coworker, and how did you handle it? This question is essential for the field I am in, as well as the job she was applying for. We have creative differences all the time in my office, which is never a bad thing. We just are all creative people with unique ideas on how to solve the problem. I wanted someone that would say they would vocalize their ideas and work towards a way to use all of our creative ideas for the betterment of the project.

She didn't seem like one of those people that were rigid in their thinking and do not listen to creative solutions, so I liked her more.

I also think my interview was successful because I avoiding stupid cliche interview questions such as "What's your biggest weakness?" which guarantees that you'll get some bullshit answer that doesn't allow you to gain any insight into their character.

Here's hoping she's a good fit and I can pat myself on the back for interviewing and selecting a winner!

I'm Too Awkward to Network

Networking is one of those things that you HAVE to do if you want to get new clients, retain clients, meet new companies to work for, recruit people, and basically every other business essential. So, I go to networking events. And it never ends with me congratulating myself for a job well done in the car on my way home. Nope. It's always me shaking my head, wondering how this can possibly be helping my company. Here are three summaries of the networking events I have been to thus far in Richmond:

The first networking event I went to was after work in an area I did not know. I left work, only to realize that I had left too late to make it on time, so the entire time I was driving there I was having bad anxiety for being late. I show up late, only to realize that the start time was pretty lenient. So now I was that awkward person stress sweating in the corner over nothing. I spent the first few minutes mingling and making small talk. Then the speaker said it was time to start, but feel free to grab some appetizers since it was a casual event. So, I take that to mean that I should grab food.

I'm piling up my plate full of cheese, and then decide I want some grapes. Rather than walking around the table to grab the grapes, I just reach over, and BAM: knock over my full plate of cheese. So then I proceed to clean up all the cheese cubes off the floor, while the speaker is speaking. Once I am done, I decide to try again, since I am still hungry.

I get my cheese to my seat safely and devour it quickly to make the whole eating debacle end. The speaker ends and I am ready to get out. I've hit my limit on networking, so I make a B-line to the door. Naturally, I run into the speaker, who thanks me for coming and asks me if I had any questions. I froze on the spot. My mind was blank. Literally nothing was happening up in the barren wasteland of where my brain supposedly was.

"Thank you for the presentation! I was very interested in it," was all I managed as I stumbled back out onto the street. I kicked myself the whole way home for that one.

The second event I went to was a lot less traumatic. I went with a co-worker, so we stuck by each other and I created a lot less of a scene. I can't say this was a successful event since the only person I "networked" with was the woman I already worked with, but at least all the cheese stayed on the table this time.

The third event I went to gave me more social anxiety, as I knew I was going alone again. I literally had a nightmare the night before about what might go wrong. Regardless, I showed up, signed in, and went straight to the bathroom. It seemed like the place to go where being alone wasn't awkward. When I reemerged, I saw a friendly looking lady sitting in a corner alone. Naturally, that is where I wanted to go.

We chatted it up and exchanged business cards. It felt like I was actually networking properly this time. Then we go inside and I have some awkward dialogue with a few older men, and end up with a guy that decides to sit way too close to me. Beside the discomfort of someone within my personal bubble for the entire luncheon, there were only two awkward incidents at this event, which I will count as a victory.

My two awkward moments stem from asking these questions:

1. "What did you study to get a job like that?" On its face, it seems like a normal question, but I made an assumption that they went to school to study something, so there was a long awkward pause when it was admitted that she did not go to college. I tried playing it off, so hopefully it was only a little awkward.

2. "How long have you been in direct sales?" Again, I thought this seemed safe, but nay. This question went over like a lead balloon. The man cut his eyes to me and told me not to ask that. Apparently, men too have a complex when you ask them something that might indicate their age.

So maybe networking isn't my thing right now, but hopefully with a few more experience, I will walk away with more business contacts and less embarrassing stories to tell people.

When the Life Plan Doesn't Happen

When I was growing up, I had my life entirely planned out. Now that I am at the threshold of my life that I was planning for, I have realized it is in no way what little me thought it would be.  While what I pictured for myself was pretty fantastic- depending on which version of now we are talking about- the "plan" I have for my life now is even better. When I was in elementary school, I had a plan that I was going to be married and be a meteorologist by now. I also envisioned living in a house similar to my Barbie's mansion, which was pretty cool. Needless to say, that version of my life didn't quite pan out.  While the Barbie mansion would be an upgrade, I must confess being unwed and not wrongly predicting weather is better than if this dream had come true.

In middle school, I thought by now I would be at NASA launching rockets into space. I'm not even kidding, I thought it was someone's sole responsibility to press the button to make the rocket go into space.  When I found out that those people are called "Rocket Scientists" and do excessively more than pressing a button, that dream died.

During my high school years, I did not have as much of a "plan" as before, but I did focus all of my energy on finding a way out of my town. I applied to no college within the state, except for my "safety" school. Then I proceeded to pick a college to go to based on how far away it was and how affordable it was.

When I was a freshman in college, I remember picking my major and knowing that by the time I graduated, I would have a job working for a huge public relations firm and in a serious relationship. I am 0-2 in that category.

However, working for a tiny social media company and selling makeup on the side (while not planned) actually perfectly fits me.  I have more leeway on creativity than if I was writing structured press releases all the time. I get to dapple in a bit more of everything because it is such as small company too, which keeps me from getting bored.  I am making less than I would elsewhere, but I get a whole lot more say in what we do, as well as more flexibility in what I am doing.

Despite having failed at every career and milestone goal I had planned out for my life thus far, I am glad none of my previous plans came into fruition. Sometimes you can't plan the life that you should have. It just happens and makes you happier than any other plan could have in ways that you couldn't have even imagined for yourself.

Positive Space

One of the best lessons I've ever learned from my Mary Kay director was about space. It's totally unrelated to makeup, but absolutely perfect. Think of every person in your personal space. Then strip them of how you know them, how you're related, the history between you, etc, and think only about their presence in your space. Is it positive, negative, or neutral? Then make changed based off of your assessment. Get rid of the negative people (or limit time if you're related or work with them and can't just block them out). Then consider the neutral people. Why bring them around if they don't add anything? At that point, you can just be by yourself.

Why waste time with anyone less than a positive influence on your space?

For the first time in awhile, I actually took someone's advice and listened. Naturally, since I am in social media, my first inclination was to apply this to my Facebook and Twitter. I went HAM on the unfollow and unfriend button. If you are on my newsfeed sub tweeting your ex, calling out your "haters" or whining about politics, you became dead to me.

While some may think it's harsh, the effects of getting rid of people that bring negativity into my space has been amazing. Rather than getting sucked into drama, I am now filling my space and thoughts with positive and meaningful messages. Viewing my social networks became actually a release from stress and a way to refresh myself and keep tabs on people and messages worth looking at.

It's your social network. Fill it with people worth being surrounded by.

How to Love Social Media

I hated social media for a bit, mainly because of FOMO (click here for a flashback to my issues with anxiety online). As a public relations student, one of the main jobs you get straight out of college in these days is doing social media. I vowed to myself I wasn't going into social media. I already got stressed with my own pages, so why would I want to do it all the time as a job? Then I got an internship in social media, which was the most healing experience between me and social media. It reframed my mind and made me feel a lot less anxiety about being on social media. Here's all the ways working in social media has helped me feel better about my life on social media:

1. You are posting for people other than yourself. This makes spending all day on Facebook healthier because you're on someone else's newsfeed and not stalking out your friends profiles and wondering why their lives seem so much more fulfilling.

2. It tuckers you out. I used to spend all my free time on social media, but since I do it for a living now, I don't really want to waste more time on it after work. I basically check it on my phone and then put it down and refocus on something else that I haven't been doing all day.

3. It helped me mature. I used to follow some whiners. It was a huge sobfest on my timelines, which did nothing but make me want to complain and gave me a negative worldview. Once I made it into the industry professionally, I started connecting with relevant people and my timeline went from a high school locker room to a forum for articulate discussion.

4. Probably the most important part about working in social media for me has been understanding it as a way to no longer feel social anxiety. I get it all now. I understand the practical and pragmatic networking abilities and it stops becoming such a powerful emotional experience. Transitioning from this heavily emotional forum to a logical outlet for communication has helped me respect social media more and feel less possessed by it.

I'm not saying that everyone should work in social media to feel better about it (because then I would be out of a job), but once you stop letting social media dictate how you feel, life becomes a lot less stressful.

Overcoming FOMO

In college one of my favorite articles I read was about FOMO, the fear of missing out. It's basically a feeling you get when you go on social media and see that all your friends are having so much fun and you weren't there. There's all these studies out now that back FOMO up, saying that social media and the Internet is causing kids to feel higher levels of anxiety (click here for an article that backs me up. and another just to up my credibility). Why I liked this article so much- and literally printed it out so I could always have it- was because I could deeply relate to it. I always felt like I was missing out. If I was invited to 2 different events at the same time, I would pick one and then sit on Facebook or Twitter the day after, waiting to see pictures and and status updates about the party I missed out on. I consistently felt like the other option was better no matter how much fun I'd have the night before, I'd always feel like I should have done the other thing.

Making decisions would be stressful, and then I'd have anxiety about it after, knowing that I'd be able to see if the other people had fun. One night I wanted to unwind after a rough week and relax, so I made no plans and decided to stay in. However, it was nowhere near relaxing. I kept checking in on social media and seeing how much fun people were having and I wondered why I ever decided not to go out. So much for relaxing...

Over time I built it up in my head that social media was this huge problem and that I'd never want to work in it because it is an evil empire. After getting a job where my title is literally "Social Media Specialist", I realize how wrong I was about social media.

Social media was never the problem. The problem was all in my head. This is how I needed to think about it: when people go out and take pictures, they hardly ever take sad ones and post them on Facebook. Even more, some of the best nights I've ever had were ones where we didn't take any pictures because we were literally having too much fun to do so.

Consider that people that tweet excessively are probably not doing anything else that would distract them from tweeting, while you're out there having a blast.

And lastly, who the hell cares? Remember that. If I had a great time, why should I be concerned if someone else had more fun? Why can't we all just have fun and not attempt to quantify it and compare it?

Social media is a great way to connect friends and families, consumers and companies, and strangers with similar interests. Just because someone tweets more than you, is tagged in more pictures than you, has a higher Klout score, or is Vine famous does not intrinsically mean that they are living vastly more exciting lived than you. It's just means they waste a lot more time trying to document their lives, while you're out there living it.

Debatably Narcissistic

Today I decided I was going to anti-up on my About page, as currently I have nothing more than an artsy picture of myself with a bio reading, “Im just a girl trying to make it in summer heat of Virginia.” Yes, my bio is only one sentence and features a lack of appropriate punctuation. So I decided to invest myself in writing this witty little ditty about myself so that people will be enthralled with the person behind the blog. Then I started to feel plagued with narcissism. I wanted to throw in my college GPA so everyone takes me seriously. I wanted to throw in all the honors I won and namedrop all the places that published me.

I seriously began to go on and on about how great I am, how funny I am, etc. Then I woke up and realized I sounded like a narcissistic prick.  So I deleted the whole bit and decided that until I get down off my throne of narcissism, my bio shall remain only one sentence.

My short stint with rewriting my bio got me thinking though: Is social media just making people more narcissistic?

I grew up with a pathetically low amount of self-esteem, yet now I find myself thinking that people will want to know my day-to-day lessons as a young adult just breaking into the workforce. Even more, I actually think that people should WANT to follow me on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, my blog, and hell, people probably even want to email me. I chuckle at myself when I tweet something funny, and get an exorbitant boost of self-esteem whenever someone clicks that little star of favoritism on one of my tweets.

To answer my own question, maybe social media has made me feel more important, like my thoughts are more relevant, and that people might actually want to hear from me.  But, on the same token, maybe that’s not a bad thing.

Here’s me when I used to be a boy.

Just kidding, I didn’t used to be a boy, but I sure did look like one!

So yes, social media makes me feel a little more relevant and connected, but don’t you think after having this bowl cut, I deserve a bit of extra attention?

I'll Go, But Not Quietly

A few days ago, I hit my last straw with my bank. I've been banking with them since high school, and have had it with their lackluster customer service and mismanagement of my account. I have gone in person to speak with someone, only to be turned away. I've called the hotline, only to be hurried off the phone without my problems resolved. So I took my message to the streets.

I tweeted: "Bank of America blows. I'm going on record to say they consistently, bar none, have the worst customer service available. #salty"

 I did this for lots of reasons. I did this because I thought of the Dell Hell blog that caused Dell to reinvent its customer service. I did it to inspire change within the organization. I did it to make them take customers complaints seriously. I did it so they stopped thinking they could walk over me. I did it to warn my followers that if they want a pleasant banking experience, they should go somewhere else. And lastly, I did it because I was alone in my office and needed to complain to someone.

My dad then called me up to inform me that I am petty, immature and that "as someone that's in the business of social media, you should know the limits of what should be tweeted."

I took it all in and contemplated it. Among the tweets up for debate:

• that I watch Kelly and Michael at work
• That I am glad the workweek is ending #TGIF
• And mainly about how I am a disgruntled bank consumer

If my boss knows I watch Kelly and Michael at work, what's the problem with saying that it makes me happy to do so?

My boss also says she's glad for the weekend. She's used the #TGIF hashtag before. And not to compare, but she referred to Beyonce as porn, so how is that any less petty to put on social media?

And lastly, if I tell people in person to bank elsewhere, what's the difference between telling my online network? I literally work my bank into conversations in order to warn people, so why should I not tell people online about my feelings? Is it rude? Potentially. I tried other means to talk to the bank, but bar none the most immediate response I got was via my tweet. They even followed up with me days later via twitter. When I call them or go see them in person, I don't even get that kind of compassion. Clearly, tweeting to them helped on some level.

46% of people look online before making purchasing decisions, so isn't it in the best nature of helping others to warn people of a company I strongly suggest avoiding? If this bank won't change, shouldn't I tell people to be wary? I gave them ample chances to make me a happy customer, but they didn't, so now they should live with the repercussions. 

My sister tells me just to leave if its so bad. I'm going to leave the bank eventually, but why do I have to go quietly and let people blindly decide to go there without at least some chance of knowing how they will be treated?

Is tweeting badly about a company a bad thing? Or am I right in wanting to bring to light customer service that is not up to my standards? Is it justified because it's they only avenue that they took me seriously on?

Let's get some dialogue going about this below.