Coffee and a Conversation
As Told Over Brunch is a home for intelligent discourse from the twenty-something perspective - so the stuff you gossip about over mimosas on Sunday morning or over takeout on your friend's couch when happy hour ends too early. We love chatting about our lives, whether it be the relationships we’re building (or destroying), lessons we've learned at work, struggles at school, growing pains we've felt, or even the food we’re talking over.
I’m a passive participant on the dating scene. What that means is (at least by my definition), I maintain several dating profiles, but I rarely message anyone unless they’re Aphrodite incarnate. Still, I won’t deny you can find me swiping right and left late at night.
However, if someone messages me, I tend to respond. Unless you show red flags or resemble a bore.
Read MoreLast post I discussed an unfortunate side effect of using dating apps, i.e. running into someone whose profile you've seen online. This is more awkward if you happen to have actually matched with the person and then you bump into each other in public.
I'm surprised this hasn't happened more often to me. I use dating apps like magazines in a doctor's office. I'm constantly browsing when bored. But it's not like I'm about to either a.) read the full article or b.) ask for a subscription. Simply, I collect matches like a fantasy football league, and just like with football, I don't play the game. All the players are on the bench. Even me.
Read MoreWelcome back to the newest season of why I shouldn't use dating apps. Three things happen when you log onto Tinder/OkCupid/Bagel Meets Coffee/Bumble (yes, that's a real app): You match with either someone you like, someone you don't, or someone you know.
In general when I come across a friend on any such app, I close up shop and move states. Okay, I really just the close app. I have other friends who automatically swipe right and others who automatically swipe left. Either way, I really don't care what you do. Today is not a rant on the proper etiquette for interacting with friends through Tinder. You just need to be prepared when you run into your friend at the next happy hour. You never know if they'll bring it up. Or maybe they didn't see you! "You're on Hinge? What's that?"
Read More"Hello, my name is Cazey, and I am on Tinder."
Three months ago, I would have been embarrassed to admit that, but then you write a blog, and your life becomes a series of self-selected exploitations. Also, dating app stories make for good blog posts. So here's my full confession: I have downloaded up to five dating apps on my phone at once. Bagel Meets Coffee emails me on the reg that I have been active FIFTY-FOUR DAYS IN A ROW, so I get a free Bagel. What is my life?
Read MoreAs is no secret by now, I use several dating apps for window shopping. (I've yet to purchase anything, and I'm prone to returns - though I don't know what that exactly means metaphorically, but it's true!) One of those happens to be OkCupid, which suggests matches based on questions it asks.
Those questions include things like, "Do you ever not feel like having sex because you feel too unattractive or too unappealing?" (don't proposition me after a buffet) to "STALE is to STEAL as 89475 is to..." (89547). Your answers contribute to your personality profile.
Read MoreIf you know me or follow this blog at all, you'll have deduced I am a diehard single who hasn't been on an unadulterated date since 2011. However, tides changed recently, and over the course of seven days, I went on four dates with four different people.
How does that happen? Well, it's a mix of TV interviews, going big or going home, and Valentine's Day. Can you imagine my horror when my friends pointed out that last bit?
Me: UGH, AM I BASIC PERSON?!?! I need a vodka tonic.
Read MoreI liked her best friend, so obviously I had stalked her, too. After all, no one is safe when you're infatuated and can't sleep on a Monday night. But I was both impressed and flattered when she acknowledged she had done the same to me. Not that I expected differently.
"Oh, that's right," she interrupted me after asking what I studied. "I saw that on Facebook."
Check your friend requests: The Age of Social Media Sleuthing is upon us. In fact, it's anticipated.
In college, my friend and I used to race to see which of us could find a person online faster - we chose our victim from those whom we eavesdropped on at bars. LinkedIn's advent made that game boring. These days, I can Facebook stalk my brunch waitress while I wait for my pancakes and contemplate adding her since she did tell me her favorite drink here and her boyfriend likes hiking. We could hang out, right?
Read MoreFor all my blogging on dating apps, my roommate made me promise that I would go on a date in 2015 via a dating app. (Though I think a date is a big enough promise. Anyone else agree?)
This got me thinking about my hang-ups regarding meeting someone in person off of Tinder/OkCupid/Farmers Only. I realize I have insecurities that I omit on my dating profile. So in the interest of self-disclosure, here they are:
My voice. This is my biggest hang-up. I sound like a prepubescent boy or, at my best, a nasally New Yorker (and is that anyone's best?). Occasionally I get asked if I'm British (bless you). But sometimes people call me "ma'am" on the phone. This is why I prefer texting. And this is also why I hate talking in front of new people. Sort of an issue when you're meeting someone for the first time.
Read MoreRecently Sara and I were interviewed about online dating. On camera, I was asked to narrate how I browse Tinder. So tonight, I bring you exclusive insight into what I think as I come across all that Tinder has to offer.
Dennia, 22.Blah intro photo. Her bio is mildly interesting except for the "IG: @Dennia." Like, I am on Tinder, not eHarmony; I am not switching apps to look at the granola cereal you had this morning. Left.
Stacey, 23."I called my professor a misogynist piece of shit while drunk at my school's talent show and that's pretty much all you need to know about me." Missing a comma there, Stacey. But you're edgy. Right.
(It's a match!)
Read MoreIn yesterday's blog, I told you part one (really, part two) of dating app awkwardness. Here is the next episode:
Part Two:
Laying in bed, SnapChatting with friends, my phone buzzes. Attractive Girl has messaged me on OkCupid: “You were right about that Instagram account.”
Me: .............
Three weeks before: I’m chatting with some dark mysterious girl on OkCupid. She mentions she was at “that light show and saw that exhibit, too.”
Read More