Should You Tell a Friend if You Don't Like their Significant Other?

September 11, 2019 by Sara Woznicki in Dating, Leisure, Life In Your 20's, life lessons, Sara's Column, Social Media, Tweets and Mascara

Once upon a time, I went through a break-up. Slowly over time people began to slide in minor bits of feedback about what they didn’t like about him in conversations. And then every now and then, it wasn’t minor.

I kept asking why no one would say those things when we were together. I mean, you see red flags that I didn’t, and you just let me keep playing on the train tracks!? What’s the point of having friends if they won’t have your back?

The Ultimate "Would You Rather?"

August 14, 2019 by Cazey Williams in Cazey's Column, Dating, Life In Your 20's, life lessons

In the last few weeks, I have pondered the hardest “Would you rather?” Here goes – brace yourself, readers – would you rather love someone more than they love you, or would you rather love them less?

I did not find this existential, if not philosophical, burden in a book or an online forum. Instead, I came to experience the dichotomy of liking someone too little and then, with horrible PTSD, recalling the times I liked another more than they liked me.

I will illustrate both for you. In the late winter, I dated a girl for several months. I remember my excitement when we first started going out. I especially remember a Saturday afternoon text she sent: “What are you doing?” Genuine interest in my existence!

Defining Love, Relationships, and Exes

June 13, 2019 by Cazey Williams in Cazey's Column, Dating, Life In Your 20's, life lessons

A friend recently asked me how many exes I have. Confidently, I replied, “2.87.”

Of course, I am no King Solomon and did not halve my last “ex.” (We’ll define an ex in a second here.) Or, more likely, quarter her. Instead, exes can be defined on a weighted scale. We may assign a weight of 1 to the person who you probably should’ve and maybe did call your “girlfriend” or “boyfriend.” By that, I mean the person lasted (probably) three months or more and the duration of romance included mutual confessions of affection and possibly some public hand-holding or kissing (maybe more!! Insert winking emoji). Fiancé(e)s are given a score of a 2, and ex-spouses (or partners that lasted over half a decade) are given a 3. Naturally, the scale is sliding and up for debate in philosophical circles.

To accumulate my whopping score of 2.87 exes, I summed the skeletons of some half-dozen flings over the last decade (it’s frightening when I can speak of my life in decades). I have never had a complete ex; that is, an ex-girlfriend whose weight would be 1. My highest assigned value would be given to someone who I do conversationally call my “ex” because she is, in fact, the most significant ex of my past…but ex- what? Her score is a 0.66. We dated, yes, but we didn’t date date. She just meant a lot to me. In fact, she meant 0.66 to me of what a theoretical actual girlfriend would mean to me. (I’m half-joking.)

My Frankenstein Friendship, or Lessons Learned in Platonic Intimacy with My Ex (Besides It Doesn’t Work)

May 23, 2019 by Cazey Williams in Dating, Life In Your 20's, life lessons, Cazey's Column

As I’ve touched on what feels too many times in other blogposts (me, hung up? Impossible!), I went through what a millennial sociologist may define as a relationship many months ago. At the fling’s conclusion (if you use more casual terms, the memories feel more frivolous!), she spoke of wanting to remain friends. I soundly objected. Of course, I caved because who am I to decline friendship? And I still had feelings for her (me, with a heart? Another fallacy!).

Without surprise, this charade failed. We suffered several trials, extinguished by either she or I for various futile reasons that tiptoed around “you can’t be friends with your ex.” This was always my view and what she denied. I am a Taurus. I insisted she learn what I knew.

For a long spell, we did not speak. I count this as my small victory because she instigated it. During the desert, I met someone else, which I suspected was a temporary ploy to distract myself and proved to be. Nevertheless, I embarked on this doomed fling, though this one seemed destined for failure based on much triter terms like compatibility, ambition, and intelligence.

Stop Dwelling: Time Waits On No Mortal

February 08, 2019 by Cazey Williams in Uncategorized

I woke up thinking the day would be okay. I had no urgent emails, and from bed, I posted a photo to Instagram - part of my morning ritual. I then made it to the bathroom where I spent too much time peeing because my friend posted an interesting article on Facebook.

The night before I had PB&J, which seemed fitting for Hump Day Eve. Basically, a concessionary meal that we're almost halfway through the week; no need to exert energy that I'll need to get through tomorrow. I dipped my sandwich in milk that I poured into a glass tumbler. I hung the tumbler on the drying rack afterward, because the dishwasher was running.

The Small World of Dating

January 08, 2019 by Cazey Williams in Cazey's Column, Humor, life lessons, Life In Your 20's

Our tale begins in early summer when I went on a date with a woman I met off Bumble. We grabbed drinks, and I quickly realized there was no spark here, so I ordered two more drinks to drown out my lack of interest. During the course of our conversation, she revealed her ex worked for my friend’s father. I had never met her ex, but had heard of him, so said nothing.

Due to mutual disinterest (she sent me an unfounded breakup message two days after the date), we never saw each other again.

Friends and Dating

November 01, 2018 by Cazey Williams in Life In Your 20's, life lessons, Cazey's Column

Early in life we learn what it means to like someone. When we’re wee toddlers, we call it friendship. Later we learn we sometimes like people as more than friends. We call this love - or, more often, some watered down derivative.

For the first few months after we stumble into romantic bliss, or perhaps longer - think cafeteria lunches with your crush sitting at the end of the table - we may confuse friendship and love. We love to hang out with both friends and lovers. We want to share secrets with them. Both excite us - but in different ways. Soon, either through trial or heartache, we learn not to mistake these two concepts as synonyms. Friendship may be given without caution or preamble. Love, or similar affection, is far less awarded and comes packed with nuance and people’s ghosts, demons, and spite (my own especially).

The Case of the Mistaken Relationship

September 25, 2018 by Cazey Williams in Cazey's Column, Dating, Humor, Life In Your 20's, life lessons

I recently had to plan a dinner for an important figurehead at my university. At the last minute some seats opened up so I asked my friend Liza to come. Liza and I have been close friends for several years.

My other friend, Peter, signed up weeks before and usually was at these sorts of functions anyway. Liza knew less of the people so she stuck by my side at the beginning of the dinner. When Peter arrived, I introduced them. Soon Liza spotted another acquaintance and slipped away to chat.

My Love-Hate Relationship With Love

June 26, 2018 by Cazey Williams in Dating, Life In Your 20's, life lessons

A few weeks ago, I woke up on seven hours of sleep ready to conquer life, the world, and Mars without a drop of coffee. I remember thinking, wow, this is what real sleep feels like.

I had gone to bed the night before somewhat early, but considerably tipsy, after an evening spent with an attractive friend of a friend. Nothing spectacular happened, but I discovered I even left a fully made sandwich on my countertop before going to bed (ham, no less!). I scarfed the sandwich down and skipped down the sidewalk, practically singing bonjour to every human and squirrel I passed.

Love Changes You, But I Don't Want to Change

July 31, 2017 by Cazey Williams in life lessons, Cazey's Column, Life In Your 20's

I have been single my entire life. Sure, there was my eight-hour relationship in middle school and an extended dalliance in college, but nothing serious and nothing lasting.

Singles tend to fall into two camps: They either love it, or they hate it. And I love it. I sometimes worry I offend couples with my passion for single life. Why share your life and time when you can have yourself all to yourself all the time? Single life is the best.

Of course, I also know this may be a defense mechanism. But I pride myself on my levelheadedness and keep this in mind. I have very rational reasons for protecting my singlehood, and most of it has to do with wanting to stay me. To be in love is to be a better person, or so they say, but it is also to change. A college friend once joked that I needed to fall in love so that I would be less high strung. Well, I like being very high strung. Stay away from me, love!