Yesterday Facebook told me my friend was in a relationship. However, the other partner in this crime had yet to confirm the details, so I couldn’t stalk her beau.

Today I checked back to see who the mystery suitor was – except now there’s nothing. The crime scene has been cleaned up. Facebook simply provides me the option of asking for her relationship status.

 Excuse me, but what is that?

First of all, I only request my best friends’ relationship status when I’m bored at 10 PM on a Tuesday and obviously I already know they’re as single as that fifteenth cookie in a box of Samoas when the serving size is two. And when you ask for a relationship status, Facebook prompts you to return the favor by sharing your own status. As if the “You’re single, I’m single, let’s hook up” thing actually works.