I previously wrote a post where I mentioned I deleted all dating apps off my phone and how glorious and free I felt for finding myself in doing that. But then I got bored. My roommates went to bed. I had homework I didn’t want to do and clothes I didn’t want to fold. And I already cleaned the bathroom. So I downloaded that inane app known as Tinder.

For a few minutes, I sat on my couch swiping left, right, up, down, and diagonally. I also updated my profile to say, “Looking for someone to go to awkward pregames with where you only know the host, but haven’t seen them in four years. And other activities.” I then deleted the “And other activities” addendum because it sounded a bit too suggestive (“What are these other activities?”).