We have all been at that party or bar where our friend – or hopefully just an acquaintance – is making a scene/being a jerk/hasn’t showered since last weekend and who invited them? We all roll our eyes and can’t wait until the next morning when we know the whole brunch table will partake in bashing them.

If you want to end up on the brunch bashing list, here are some simple instructions:

• Text your friend in the afternoon, “What are u doing tonight?” Once the friend invites you to join the pregame/party/bar scene, respond, “I’ll get back to you.” Yes, please do look for a better gig, and then come crawling back to me once you can’t find one.
• Once the party has begun - aka Facebook notifies you the event has started – text the host, “How is it?” And whatever they say back, you should reply, “Oh shit lemme know when it gets bigger.” It’s cool that you don’t want to hang out with the person who invited you.