Coffee and a Conversation
As Told Over Brunch is a home for intelligent discourse from the twenty-something perspective - so the stuff you gossip about over mimosas on Sunday morning or over takeout on your friend's couch when happy hour ends too early. We love chatting about our lives, whether it be the relationships we’re building (or destroying), lessons we've learned at work, struggles at school, growing pains we've felt, or even the food we’re talking over.
I preface this post by alerting the reader to two things:
1.) I look younger than my age.
2.) I often have a sense of a humor that no one else gets. Or at least they laugh a lot less loud than I do.
On the former, I have a brother who is five and a half years younger. When I return home, the lady at our local Chinese restaurant inevitably asks, “Are you the young one or the old one?”
Read MoreOvernight my Facebook has blown up with people's selfies, which wouldn't be anything new, except now they're labeled with how old the person looks. Thanks to the #HowOldRobot, a website can now tell you how youthful/aged/non-human you look.
For kicks over breakfast, I decided to see how old I look since my birthday was this past week.
Read MoreSo I have a confession: I have terrible tact. And it's been this way for as long as I can remember. When I was in elementary school, I once ate one of those individually wrapped Mrs. Fields cookies before dinner. Being an ignorant chubster, I threw the wrapper in the trash and neglected to even wipe the chocolate fully off my face. Obviously my mother approached me, and asked if I happened to eat a cookie before dinner. I said no. A boldface lie.
Momma picked up on it, and told me not to lie. As some may say, be good or be good at it. So I decided to be good. I just wouldn't lie anymore, because I was so bad at it.
It was after this realization that a girl that I did not like asked me if I hated her. Don't lie, right? So I said yes, I did in fact hate her. She proceeded to ask me why, so I named off a few reasons I hated her. Then I thought nothing more of it.
That was, until my mom got called because I told a girl I hated her, which apparently isn't socially acceptable. So my mom naturally asked me why I told a girl I hated her. And I just said, "You told me not to lie!" and still couldn't figure out why this was my fault. On top of me telling the truth, I can't help if someone lobbed it to me. Don't ask someone what they think of you unless you really want to know!
Okay, okay, so these days I understand where I went a little wrong; that there are nice ways to phrase things, and then there are rude ways to phrase things. But I still sometimes find it difficult to answer those tough, direct questions with any amount of tact.
Do you really want to ask me why we are disconnected? Because I'll give it to you straight, despite you probably not wanting the real answer to it. Nudge me a bit more and you'll get an ear full -- which isn't what anyone wants.
In college, I was told that in order to be a successful female at her job, you needed a female mentor to follow, to teach you in the ways of being a successful female in a business. And I bought it. Here's some research on the subject. I picked a job with the expectation that because it was a female-led business, I would get a better handle on how to function as a female in the business world. Now that I've worked under her and under a male, I can't say that the logic of having a same-sex boss to aspire to is necessary. Firstly, those females that we are supposed to be aspiring to more than likely trained under a man. My first lady boss was in the first graduating class with women. That means she studied under men only and was probably in a class dominated by males. She went on to create, invent and run multiple businesses as a woman without having female mentor. Why can't we do that then?
Secondly, we are reinforcing gender differences if we demand that women need to emulate women. You can learn just as much from a male as a female. Yes, I agree that the relationship is different and the experience a man has in the workplace is and always will be different than a female. However, that doesn't mean that what a male can teach you doesn't amount to anything notable. I'd even go as far to argue that learning from a male gives you a competitive edge, as males historically dominate the workplace and still live above our glass ceiling.
I'm not going to generalize and say that my experience with both is the general whole for everyone, but what I've learned from my male mentor is far more valuable than what I learned from my female mentor. My female mentor chalks everything up to being a female and fighting against the stereotype that people place on you inherently if you have a vagina. My male mentor chalks everything up to being right and fighting for what you believe in because you know best in that situation.
Additionally, working under a female created a lot of the Queen Bee syndrome, where my movements below were seen as a combative and manipulative, when they really were just new ideas that I thought might work. I didn't get any support and anything I suggested was so quickly squished, it almost felt like it was done purposefully to make me realize where my place was. Working with a man, my new ideas are welcomed and seen as me trying to challenge the status quo in an effort to better the system. I have full support and a booming voice behind me cheering me on.
I may be making feminists everywhere writher, but I'm just laying it all out in the table. Having a male back you up is still a good thing. Is it better than having a female back you up? No. It's just an option that people don't place any significance on, when in reality, it does serve as a benefit.
The past two days have been fraught with a dull pain in the back left side of my mouth, right around the location I would expect a wisdom tooth to be. While I was eating lunch fajitas with some co-workers, I mentioned that I think that I might be getting a wisdom tooth in. "Aweee, you're teething," says one of my co-workers. I bust out laughing. It's a running joke that I'm a baby at my work, as most of my co-workers are much further along in their lives than I am. Some might argue that the usual jabbing at my youth is undermining my authority, as I've read that's a technique for older people to assert dominance. Here's an opinion piece about age discrimination in the work place, just in case you didn't know what I am talking about.
I can't say that I agree. When it comes to my work, I am the authority. No one knows social media better than me at work. I grew up on it. I took classes on it in college- classes I am sure most wouldn't have even been able to take when they were in school, as social media wasn't even a thing at the time. People respect me and ask how I think they could work with them to benefit from social media.
Then we collaborate and come up with a way that their needs are met, as well as best using social media. We're a team. They share their ideas, and mine count just as much. Yes, I report to people and their say can override mine, but that's how it should be. They're in a position of power not because of their age, but because of their wisdom.
I am still relatively new to this whole full time employment thing, so you're damn right there's times that the older people have to reel me in. There are constraints that I often can't see. They've been around the block a few times and can forecast better than I can how things will turn out. That's where wisdom trumps youth. It's not because I drink coffee and get overly excited about plans, which apparently stops once you've matured a bit and have felt similar success before.
So what if they poke fun at me because I have no idea who Donny Osmand is? Or ask if I'm even allowed to go to the company happy hour? I'm young. I have a ton of energy and enthusiasm for my job because I haven't been jaded by years of work. Let people remind me of my youth. I hope at least one person does everyday. Because one day I'm not going to be young, so I mine as well revel in the traits it presents me with now.