A Really Pathetic Poem

Like I was saying in a previous blog post, Writing About Writing, I adore writing, but am highly limited in regards to my success in a variety of styles. To strengthen my point, I am about to take one for the team, willingly allow myself to be embarrassed, and share a poem I wrote. In my own defense, I happened to write this after a long evening of consuming a certain beverage, and was rather stressed about work. Without further adieu, here is probably the worst poem you've ever read: I'd drink away my problems but I don't have the finances for it.

So instead it's just me and the ceiling having a staring contest.

I'd toss it all away and start again, but I've tried that and everything finds it way back.

Back where? Back home?

If home is where the heart is but my heart isn't in one place, does that make me homeless?

Let's just burrow that thought back down into the recesses for another loneliness.

Now let's just break this poem down. First off, I wrote it when I had been drinking, so the first line is not even factual. The second line is accurate EVERY NIGHT as I lay down to sleep, and there really is no actual qualm about it. Third line, well I have moved but not much is creeping in on me at the moment. Nor do I actually have any demons that could even make their way out of any closets. And let's just wrap up this emo laden poem by saying that I actually have a home. It's Richmond. And if that doesn't count, I can always go back to my home in Connecticut.

Beyond the content not even making sense, it says something that I can only attempt to write poetry when I'm not in my normal state of mind, because normal me knows that's something to avoid. Furthermore, is this even a poem? Nothing rhymes. There's no symbolism. The general message is barely there. I will be willing accepting rotten tomatoes for this disgrace to the poetic writing form.

My Experience with Lengthy Resumes

I used to help in the career and academic center in college and my favorite task was reviewing resumes. It's a really nerdy thing to love, but even now I throw myself at people writing resumes because I want to help them. Part of it is because it's fulfilling to help someone write a resume that will get them a job, and part of it is seeing how they interpret how to craft a resume. On the general whole, most young people don't know what to do on resumes. There are those that put nothing in their resume because they don't know what to put, and then there are those that have a 14 page resume.

Let that sink in.

14 pages.

She was a freshman in college too, so it's not like she was documenting her research qualifications and doctorate theses.

Not only did she have 14 pages, but she was emotionally attached to every page. To her credit, she was involved in a lot, but it got a bit ridiculous citing a D.A.R.E award from elementary school. When I suggested cutting out the dated information, it was like asking I was asking her to slaughter a puppy. I actually started to feel bad asking her if we could cut out her listing of participation awards.

What she didn't see what those 14 pages were making it difficult for anyone to ascertain the important aspects of her achievements. Essentially, she was a hoarder of information and it cluttered all the valuables to the point you didn't even know they were there. Instead of making it look like she was qualified, it made her look disorganized and desperate to prove herself.

After showing her what a one page resume looked like a highlighting the parts of her resume that I would keep, I sent her on her way and recommended bringing in her resume to an academic advisor after she fixed it up. A good ending to the story would be that she saw the light and brought in a one page resume, but I don't actually know that it ever happened like that.

I hope she did take my advice, but if not, I at least hope this memory is an inspiration to ensure that no resume you ever present to a potential employer resembles a novella.

Tweeting an Instagram Picture

I almost always tweet my Instagram pictures, but now I'm not so sure if I will anymore. I read this article from Mashable that said including pictures in your tweets leads to a retweet, UNLESS its an Instagram picture, which will be far less likely to be retweeted. (Here's the article I'm referencing: http://mashable.com/2013/10/07/retweet-photo/) Womp. Womp. Womp.

I learned that reusing content across platforms is a good way to gain milage on your content, but now I can't even use my Instagram pictures on Twitter, which is a basic standard I have been doing since I began using Instagram? I mean I get that it makes it obvious that I am reusing it, as well as having to open a new platform, but that seems like a pretty big difference to go from much more likely to be retweeted to significantly less likely to be retweeted.

Clearly this perplexes me, and makes me wonder: am I that lazy that I can't just use the internal picture setup in Twitter, and then go Instagram it? But then again, are people that lazy that opening an extra window rather than seeing it directly on Twitter is that much of a hassle?

I tried this morning to tweet a picture and then Instagram it, but it just feels so forced putting it on two places separately. Also, by the time I tweeted it, I already decided it wasn't important enough to need to be in two different networks. So maybe having to break up the instant tweet from Instagram will make me reconsider what content is truly important to share.

Or maybe I'll just continue to be lazy and stop caring if I get a retweet.

Can't you just stick to stalking me online?

I make myself pretty noticeable online, starting mainly with the fact that when you google my name, you're not really going to run into many other people with one similar to it. Beyond that, I'm on almost every social networking site and keep a blog about myself. If you want to stalk me online, you basically have a green light. But let's keep it there. Granted, my life is essentially a reoccurring routine, where I go to work at the same time, go to the bathroom every morning at the same time, eat lunch at the same time in the same place, come home from work at the same time, work out at the same place at the same time, come home and eat at the same time, and even watch the same programming. Stalking me in real life is also easy, but a lot less socially acceptable.

Like I was saying, I eat at the same place at the same time everyday, so naturally I see this one girl also on the same schedule. Like good strangers do, we ignore that we sit near each other practically everyday. This one day, a kid came up to hit on me. In broad daylight. Weird. I'm just trying to read and eat, so there's really no signals I'm sending out, except maybe that I'm really antisocial. We chat a bit regardless and he goes away.

The next day he comes back at the same time and sits with me again. Coincidence? I think not. He talks more and asks for my number, things get weird, to make it less weird I give it to him, and then he tried to hug me. Worst. Lunch. Ever. I go back inside to continue with my routine sans the awkward hugger.

Then the next day comes, and I'm following my same routine (one that I very much enjoy if I might add). I get a text that says, "just got to our lunch spot."

UMMMM WHAT?!

That's not "ours". It's mine. It's been mind since May. I also don't like that I am so predictable that he already figured out my routine within two days. Can't he stalk me online like normal people do these days? Why does he have to actually stalk me? I just want to enjoy my bread and peanut butter without someone watching me try to chew down a really dry and sticky lunch without water.

So naturally I stay in my office until I am assured he won't be there and then go to lunch. I'm not sure what I'm going to do if I can't reclaim my sacred lunch spot. Maybe he will stalk me like were in 2013 and he'll see this post. Or maybe I can tell him I don't like him inviting himself into my routine, but that just doesn't seem passive aggressive enough.

That Day I Spent Trying to Engage Famous People

Sometimes I get bored and read articles pertaining to my profession. I found this one awhile back that said that one way to get more followers and a higher Klout score is to engage with people that have more Klout than you. Duly noted. I never really acted on this advice until recently. I thought a less direct way to engage with people that will get my name known would be to use a hashtag that would make me famous. Obviously, I'm taking about the #InsertBandNameTODAY hashtag from the Today Show. (For those of you not familiar, every morning while the band plays, they show tweets that use the hashtag of the name of the band with TODAY at the end of it). After a week of trying to get my tweets on tv with no success, I gave up on that technique.

Then I moved to tweeting about products I liked, such as telling Panera I was craving a sandwich, or that Keurig coffee in the office was a real bonus. That got boring quick, as I'd essential get nothing more than a thanks.

So then I decided to aim a bit higher. I spent a day tweeting bands, celebrities, politicians, basically everyone about what I liked about them. I tweeted to one of the Congressmen that said they'd volunteer to not get paid during the shutdown. I tweeted to Ed Sheeran about one of his songs. I got nothing back from anyone. Then I got sad, CNN was on, and Jake Tapper came on with a bad looking hair do. So I tweeted about it.

AND HE RESPONDED THE VERY NEXT COMMERCIAL BREAK.

I felt like a dick. The poor guy is covering the government shutdown and instead of me saying, "great coverage, way to ask the tough questions," or something, he gets to look at his Twitter and see me dissing his hair.

Then I tried to mediate it and say that his hair doesn't look that bad. I threw in a smiley face for good measure, only then have instant regret for thoughts it seemed creepy that I just did that. Whoops.

I think I'll stick to not tweeting at famous people from now on in fear I might actually get a response.

My First Time Interviewing Someone

I've been through lots of interviews where people have been asking me questions. From trying to get scholarships for school to getting jobs, I would say I've been interviewed at least 20 times. But I've never interviewed someone else before today. Never before have I been in the drivers seat with someone else's livelihood in my hands. And let me tell you, being the interviewer probably made me more nervous than the person I was interviewing. I wanted to ask good questions that allowed her to explain herself, yet difficult enough questions to reveal something about her.

It's a challenge finding a happy mix of tough and informative. Also, I don't want to be THAT person that you leave the interview room cursing under your breath because they were so tough. I can't tell you what she thought of me when she left, but she did end up getting the job, so apparently I did a good enough job interviewing her for my boss to learn about her and make a judgement call. So far she's been an asset to our projects and I've enjoyed her in the office.

Here is my favorite question I asked, why I asked it, and what I gleaned from it:

Have you encountered a time that you had a creative difference with a client or coworker, and how did you handle it? This question is essential for the field I am in, as well as the job she was applying for. We have creative differences all the time in my office, which is never a bad thing. We just are all creative people with unique ideas on how to solve the problem. I wanted someone that would say they would vocalize their ideas and work towards a way to use all of our creative ideas for the betterment of the project.

She didn't seem like one of those people that were rigid in their thinking and do not listen to creative solutions, so I liked her more.

I also think my interview was successful because I avoiding stupid cliche interview questions such as "What's your biggest weakness?" which guarantees that you'll get some bullshit answer that doesn't allow you to gain any insight into their character.

Here's hoping she's a good fit and I can pat myself on the back for interviewing and selecting a winner!

I'm Too Awkward to Network

Networking is one of those things that you HAVE to do if you want to get new clients, retain clients, meet new companies to work for, recruit people, and basically every other business essential. So, I go to networking events. And it never ends with me congratulating myself for a job well done in the car on my way home. Nope. It's always me shaking my head, wondering how this can possibly be helping my company. Here are three summaries of the networking events I have been to thus far in Richmond:

The first networking event I went to was after work in an area I did not know. I left work, only to realize that I had left too late to make it on time, so the entire time I was driving there I was having bad anxiety for being late. I show up late, only to realize that the start time was pretty lenient. So now I was that awkward person stress sweating in the corner over nothing. I spent the first few minutes mingling and making small talk. Then the speaker said it was time to start, but feel free to grab some appetizers since it was a casual event. So, I take that to mean that I should grab food.

I'm piling up my plate full of cheese, and then decide I want some grapes. Rather than walking around the table to grab the grapes, I just reach over, and BAM: knock over my full plate of cheese. So then I proceed to clean up all the cheese cubes off the floor, while the speaker is speaking. Once I am done, I decide to try again, since I am still hungry.

I get my cheese to my seat safely and devour it quickly to make the whole eating debacle end. The speaker ends and I am ready to get out. I've hit my limit on networking, so I make a B-line to the door. Naturally, I run into the speaker, who thanks me for coming and asks me if I had any questions. I froze on the spot. My mind was blank. Literally nothing was happening up in the barren wasteland of where my brain supposedly was.

"Thank you for the presentation! I was very interested in it," was all I managed as I stumbled back out onto the street. I kicked myself the whole way home for that one.

The second event I went to was a lot less traumatic. I went with a co-worker, so we stuck by each other and I created a lot less of a scene. I can't say this was a successful event since the only person I "networked" with was the woman I already worked with, but at least all the cheese stayed on the table this time.

The third event I went to gave me more social anxiety, as I knew I was going alone again. I literally had a nightmare the night before about what might go wrong. Regardless, I showed up, signed in, and went straight to the bathroom. It seemed like the place to go where being alone wasn't awkward. When I reemerged, I saw a friendly looking lady sitting in a corner alone. Naturally, that is where I wanted to go.

We chatted it up and exchanged business cards. It felt like I was actually networking properly this time. Then we go inside and I have some awkward dialogue with a few older men, and end up with a guy that decides to sit way too close to me. Beside the discomfort of someone within my personal bubble for the entire luncheon, there were only two awkward incidents at this event, which I will count as a victory.

My two awkward moments stem from asking these questions:

1. "What did you study to get a job like that?" On its face, it seems like a normal question, but I made an assumption that they went to school to study something, so there was a long awkward pause when it was admitted that she did not go to college. I tried playing it off, so hopefully it was only a little awkward.

2. "How long have you been in direct sales?" Again, I thought this seemed safe, but nay. This question went over like a lead balloon. The man cut his eyes to me and told me not to ask that. Apparently, men too have a complex when you ask them something that might indicate their age.

So maybe networking isn't my thing right now, but hopefully with a few more experience, I will walk away with more business contacts and less embarrassing stories to tell people.

Are You YOU on Social Media?

My friend and I were having a chat over lunch once about how people act on social media and it got me thinking, do most people use social media to express things they wish they could in real life, or are they the same person online as they are in real life? I tend to think of myself falling in the latter category, where I am the same person online as I am in real life. I tell the truth, I compliment the same things, I whine about the same things, I talk about the same things, my voice is the same, etc. What you see online is essentially what you'd get in person.

However, some people disagree. Someone I was friends with used to say that what they said on twitter essentially didn't count towards who they were in real life. They used twitter as an outlet for things they can't say in the real world, or don't actually apply to their life.

So what do you think? Are you YOU on social media, or is there some sort of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde thing happening when you hit your computer?

Let's get a good poll going! Also, leave comments, especially if you think you're different online than you are in real life. [polldaddy poll=7406652]

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Am I the Reason Chivalry is Dead?

My bosses sister told me never to date a man that doesn't tell me I'm beautiful everyday. While that sounds lovely, I find it somewhat antiquated advice. If some guy seriously told me I was beautiful everyday, I would probably think he was covering something up or only in it for my looks. My natural inclination would be to be skeptical, which made me wonder if skepticism is the reason that chivalry is dead. In people's version of Prince Charming, the guy is supposed to do all sorts of nice things when they court a lady, and I have realized that when guys actually do those things for me, I respond in all sorts of bizarre ways. For example, when I was climbing out of a high bus, the guy reached his hand back to me to help me down and I decided to grab onto the door handle and let myself down clumsily without touching his hand. Why? Because in my head it seemed less weird and showed that I can climb out of the bus on my own.

This need to prove that I don't need a male hand isn't just an isolated occurrence, I do it somewhat subconsciously all the time. I was carrying in boxes to be mailed and refused the help of a guy who was going to get me a dolly so that I wouldn't have to lug in four boxes weighing approximately 30 pounds each. Nope, I just scurried back and forth before he had time to help.

When a guy offers to pay for my meal, I have a weird internal complex about what it all means and what is expected from me. I lose my sense of self and typically waste the rest of the day trying to figure out their intentions rather than enjoying it.

Don't even get me started on the car door issue. Getting into a car makes sense to let the guy open the door, but a guy once asked me why I rushed out of the car before he could open it. Maybe because I am fully capable of opening my own car door and don't want to wait for you to stroll over to my side to let me out like a child? What am I supposed to do while I'm waiting? The radio is already off. I'll just end up sitting there wondering why I still haven't opened my own door yet.

My hang ups on chivalrous acts are never hidden well either. I make it so awkward that I am positive they will never try it again, which is somewhat nice but a bit disappointing. Even though I can open my own door and pay my own way, maybe it would be nice to let a guy do it for me without creating a scene.

So maybe it's my self-empowerment that killed chivalry and not males failing to reach societal expectations. Or maybe males have failed so many of the previous expectations that chivalry is literally a foreign concept to my generation, and I have no comprehension of what's supposed to happen, so I treat it all with a just amount of skepticism.

Chivalry might be dead, but we still don't know who killed it.

How to Not Get a Job

Since I work in a company of three, I get to do the job I was hired for, plus other random jobs, such as recruiting! I spent Friday at my very first school's recruiting fair as an employer. I went to multiple back when I was in college, but I was exceptionally excited to be back at a fair as an employer. I was imagining flocks of people shoving their way to my table and rushing to hand in a resume. It was nothing like that. We got some great candidates, and we got a few who are perfect examples of what not to say to potential employers. Here's a list of real things real college students said to us while we were at the career fair that made me wonder if they understand how to get a job:

• The very first person we talked to told us she was a marketing student and then we explained our company and she goes, "Facebook? So anyone can do this job." Maybe don't trivialize a company's job when you are trying to hand in your resume.
• "I've never heard of your company. What can you do for me?" Ballsy. If her tone was a bit softer, that might have actually worked, but as she said it like she was entitled to get a job, I made a mental note that she was too pretentious to actually make me want to employ her. She also clearly didn't do her research like lots of her peers did, so she already distinguished herself as not as committed as her competition.
• "I already have a plan for when I graduate, but I thought this could be a good backup." I appreciate the fact that this girl is honest, but why in God's name are you walking around essentially telling companies that you don't really want to work for them, but if their plan A falls through, you could be their plan B? No one is going to want to follow up with you if you are not ranking them a priority.
• "I still don't see the value of my college education." This wasn't insulting in any way, shape, or form to me or the company I work for, but it is a huge slap in the face to the school he is currently attending, which is a prestigious school that people would die to go to. If he is willing to walk around insulting the education provided to him, I am sure he would do the same about our company if he was hired. Even beyond that, I greatly value my college education and if we are that fundamentally different on our views of education, it may be an indicator that we would not see eye to eye in the working world either.
• "I just came from class so I don't have a resume and didn't see what your company is about." I understand having class, but you knew the career fair was today. They didn't announce it this morning and hope people would show up. Show some initiative and plan ahead, especially your outfit. This girl showed up wearing short shorts with her underwear showing, a cami on, and horrible tan lines. There was nothing professional or employable from her showing up not dressed and totally unprepared.
• I wish I could quote this next exchange because it was hilarious, but I essentially do not even know what happened. We listed ourselves as not being able to hire international students (as we look to hire interns as a way to raise a future full-time employee and international students typically are not long-term options) and the conversation started off with the kid saying that he was an international student that wanted to talk to us anyways, even though he knew we listed as not having positions available. Then he had an unrelated major and no relevant work experience. I could hardly understand him, so I let my co-worker speak to him, and then he got frustrated and said something about how we need to find a way to involve more majors. Then he still didn't leave, so my co-worker told him more about our company and he said something about it not aligning with want he wants. AND HE STILL DIDN'T LEAVE. If you are pointing out that your needs and the company's needs do not align, why are you still wasting everyone's time standing there asking more questions? No matter how long you stand there, new positions outside of our needs are not going to materialize.

As Forest Gump said, "Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get." Career fairs are just like that too. You never know if that student approaching is going to be absolutely nuts or totally sweet.